Create a Safe Environment
As a society, we have terms that communicate ‘kids will be kids’ (“Terrible Two’s”, “Puberty”, “They should know better!”, “Act your age!”); however, we don’t typically understand how our kids’ behaviors are rooted in normal and necessary processes tied to brain development. The actions, thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors of youth that tend to drive us adults bananas, are actually predictable, valuable, and follow a pattern of development that we can learn to harness and build upon. Understanding the changes unfolding during childhood and adolescent years can support us as we navigate the beauties and challenges of raising up resilient kids.
Adopt a Trauma Informed Brain Based Perspective
Children and teens’ brains undergo massive reconstruction as they move towards adulthood (brain development is “complete” around roughly 25 years of age). Due to this developmental process, children do not have all the brain-based functions necessary for social, emotional, and academic success at their disposal. Rather, these capacities are developed in direct response to the stimulation and opportunities (or lack thereof) within their environment. In contrast, adults working with or parenting youth have very different capacities, abilities, and behaviors due to their completed developmental process. This mismatch in biology and subsequent abilities creates both an opportunity and a vulnerability when we are supporting youth.
When children are exposed to stress or trauma in key developmental years, they often experience disrupted functioning with limited pre-established baseline or coping tools to return to. The presence of toxic and/or persistent stress experienced in childhood biologically redirects brain development away from executive functioning and towards rapid threat response, meaning that even slight or unexpected changes in the environment that some students can function within, can result in disrupted perceptions, behaviors, and abilities for others. Ongoing exposure to stress directly impacts children’s ability to access the skills and capacities necessary to succeed within traditional approaches to learning, socializing, and behavior management.
Youth impacted by trauma have a 4-12x greater likelihood to experience impairments in social, emotional, behavioral, and cognitive functioning:
Underdeveloped emotional functioning may appear in students as emotional dysregulation, triggered reactions, hypervigilance, obsessive thoughts, dissociation, etc.
Limited cognitive functioning may appear as an inability or ineffective ability to access and utilize memory functions, challenges with concentration, limited ability for cause-effect or forward thinking, challenges with decision making, etc.
Physical disruptions, such as frequent physical illness, bladder/bowel weakness, etc. often emerge as physical responses attempt to cope with underdeveloped and lagging emotional and cognitive abilities.
Though children grow like weeds and teenagers may look like mini adults, they do not have all the brain-based capacities needed to successfully and safely navigate expectations, complex relationships, and situations, on their own. Addressing “problems” from a behavioral standpoint, when child behavior is rooted in neurobiology, growth and development -- will not work and will likely continue to result in increased frustration in adults and increased difficulty in children’s behavior. With trauma-informed care, instead of trying harder, we need to try differently.
Create an Environment of Safety
All children, regardless of background, need to feel safe. Safety is the launching pad for everything - resiliency, growth, healing, recovery - everything. Safety is not just physical, it also includes how we respond to the various needs (emotional, psychological, social, spiritual, behavioral, etc.) of our youth and one another. Though so much is often out of our control. Creating an environment of safety is something that is within our control, and something you can start practicing today. It consists of 3 core strategies:
1. Offer Predictability
Be predictable in your expectations, and in your responses – there should be no guesswork in how you might respond. Youth need to know the rules and the consequences related to your expectations/guidelines. They should also be able to predict your attitude and language both in good times and challenging times.
Examples:
Parents: Don’t just turn off your child’s favorite show (activity, play date, video games, etc) without warning. Let your child know that they have 5 more minutes (or whatever notice your unique child needs in order to prepare to transition tasks), and then give another “last minute” warning.
Teachers: Keep the week’s schedule posted on the chalkboard or within your Zoom classroom, and then every day provide a review of the schedule, due dates, and important dates. Do not make any sudden changes to the schedule or due dates.
Everyone: Provide warnings for significant events, i.e. “School starts in 2 weeks,” “We will have visitors tomorrow,” “I’m going to need you to clean the bathroom today, what time will you do that?” “Our family is still social distancing, but these are two friends/cousins/auntie’s (etc.) that you will be able to see. Let’s call some friends so you can at least hear their voice.”
2. Provide Structure
Especially in the age of pandemic uncertainty, any type of loose structure will help create safety. Create a loose pattern for how the weekdays will go, and then stick to that schedule for about 2 weeks before making changes. See what challenges come up and then adjust as needed. Children need help with structure and they may not see the benefit, though you will see the challenges when structure isn’t in place. Mealtime, waking/sleeping, and hygiene are solid areas you can build some structure around.
3. Create Routine
Routines help to establish predictability – routines to start the day and close the day are great places to start. Rituals can be a way to provide routines related to family and culture
Examples:
What time will everyone wake up in the morning, so there’s enough time to not be rushed?
What days are going to be “no-homework” days?
Maybe you’ll have a routine meal each week, such as Fish Fridays, or kids-pick-the-meal every Tuesday
Play a song or go for a walk at the end of the day.
Warmly,
-Vanessa Washington
Licensed Professional Counselor, Trauma Specialist
Want to learn more?
Our introductory workshop on Trauma Informed Care provides a deep dive into the various needs of today’s youth. We customize this foundational training for the age group you are supporting. We educate on normative development and examine the impact that trauma has in overall development. Our facilitators review common misunderstandings in various approaches to behavior management and equip you with powerful tools and strategies. Take this workshop to learn what children need, how to manage your own health, and how to increase in effectiveness while fostering the healthy resiliency within your community.